Midnight Coder  --  by b corbin

 

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Midnight Coder to bring you a very special episode:

Midnight Coder v. The Telemarketer

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|                           |                           |                           |

| Hey, MC, you have         | “Hi, is this a Mr. M.     | “...a free estimate for   |

| a phone call from some    | Coder?”  /                | our in-home security      |

| telemarketer.  You want   |         /     This is he. | package.”                 |

| Me to take care of it?    | “I’m calling      /       |        /    Thanks, I     |

|       /                   | to offer you...” /        |       /   already have a  |

|_____ /     No, patch it   |_____ /          /         |_____ /      firewall.     |

|--   |       __ / through. |--   |       __ /          |--   |       __ /          |

|--   |      /o \           |--   |      /o \           |--   |      /o \           |

|--   |      \__/           |--   |      \__/           |--   |      \__/           |

|____/`   ___/_ \           |____/`   ___/_ \           |____/`      /  \           |

|   \  __/_ |    |          |   \  __/_ |    |          |   \  ____ |  | |          |

|~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |~~~~~~~~~~||  | |@         |

|          ||    |@         |          ||    |@         |          ||  | |@         |

+---------------------------+---------------------------+---------------------------+

|                           | “Are you aware that there | “Sir, most intruders are  |

| “Uh, no, sir, we mean     | have been numerous break- | prepared for situations   |

| for your home.”           | ins in your area in the   | like that.”               |

|         /                 | past 6 months?”           |         /                 |

|        / I’m really not   |        /                  |        /  Will they be    |

|       /    interested,    |       /  I think my pit-  |       /  prepared for my  |

|_____ /     thank you.     |_____ /   bull is plenty   |_____ /        .45?        |

|--   |       __ /          |--   |       __ /security. |--   |       __ /          |

|--   |      /- \           |--   |      /O \           |--   |      /. \           |

|--   |      \_*/           |--   |  @   \__/           |--   | =g   u__/           |

|____/`      / |\           |____/`   \__/_ \           |____/`   \__/_ \           |

|   \  ____ |  | |          |   \  ____ |    |   *woof!*|   \  ____ |    |          |

|~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |~~~~~~~~~~||    |@      \  |~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |

|          ||    |@         |          ||    |@       \ |          ||    |@         |

+---------------------------+---------------------------+---------------------------+

| “Pardon my saying so, sir,| “Are you assuming your    | “Nope.”   Flamethrower?   |

| but I don’t think throw-  | attackers are unarmed?”   | “Nope.”      Kung-fu?     |

| ing records at burglars   |          /                | “Nope.” Demonic summoning?|

| will do much good.”       |         /                 | “Doubt it.”      |        |

|        /                  |        /  Perhaps.  Fine  |        /         |        |

|       /  It’s a gun!  A   |       /  How about a trap |       /  Then what WILL   |

|_____ / .45 caliber pistol!|_____ /        door?       |_____ /        work?       |

|--   |       __ / *        |--   |       __ /          |--   |       __ /          |

|--   |      /@ \ /         |--   |      /- \           |--   |      // \           |

|--   |      \__//          |--   |      \_*/           |--   |  @   \__/           |

|____/`      / _/           |____/`      / |\           |____/`   \__/_ \           |

|   \  ____ |    |          |   \  ____ |  | |          |   \  ____ |    |          |

|~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |

|          ||    |@         |          ||    |@         |          ||    |@         |

+---------------------------+---------------------------+---------------------------+

| “Our security system is   | “We use state-of-the-art  |                           |

| guaranteed to protect     | loud sirens, flashing     |                           |

| your home against any     | lights, and other assorted|             HANG UP THE   |

| intruder.”                | annoyances to instantly   |                PHONE!     |

|        /   Using...       | repel any intruder from   |  Immediately.     /       |

|       /    what...        |        /  your home.”     |    *click*       /        |

|_____ /     method?        |_____  /                   |_____ /          /         |

|--   |       __ /          |--   |                     |--   |       __ /          |

|--   |      /< \           |--   |   __      - Hal...  |--   |      /# \           |

|--   |      \__/           |--   |  /  \___            |--   |      O__/           |

|____/`      /  \           |____/`  \*_/   \           |____/`  |___/_ \           |

|   \  ____ |  | |          |   \  ___~\|_/  |          |   \  ____ |    |          |

|~~~~~~~~~~||  | |@         |~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |~~~~~~~~~~||    |@         |

|          ||  | |@         |          ||    |@         |          ||    |@         |

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